[Camus In India] Blank Paper

About the connection with Master, where should it start to introduce?

It is a question every time when people asked me about the connection or relationship of Master – when did we start to connect? Or, had we connected?

If it said that the connection has been started since May last year, but something happened before were also related to HIM; so, let move backward more, then it was found that there was no exactly starting point – both of us has already stayed together alike.  After a year intensive practices, experienced the moment wanted to stick with HIM, this time met HIM in India again, the close distance existence in the material world – I was watching HIM; HE was watching me and the mind was blank like a paper.

It is so ease when the mind is blank.  I always enjoy it, especially sitting with Swamiji, empty mind is a piece of blank paper.  HE never puts something on this paper, but erases all from it.  Sometimes it is as empty as forgetting the most important thing: Who is HE sitting with me?  I totally forget who Swamiji is.

It is so interesting that people think I am crazy with this Indian Master – I just can say, Swamiji is so charming with HIS irresistible sun shining smile and HIS jokes always make people laughing lots! (The story of the GAS POT should be “acted” by HIM own self and all HIS stories were attractive because all of them just come from HIS heart!)

In fact, I am not a well-behaved student - I always cried for everything, opposed to the teachers deliberately, challenged authority, made teachers angry in different ways and laughed at them.  I was so repulsive that teachers could not do any punishments on me because my academic result was fair without hard-working; at the same time, I knew how to obey the school instructions carefully, so I rarely offended against the rules in school.  Teachers always loved and hated such student as me.  Some of them tried to catch me but found nothing could be complained my parents - just like a devil, a devil in angel-dressing who was not easy to handle.

Whatever teachers thought about me, their comments were always the same: to hate iron for not becoming steel.  I did not want to become steel! None of the teachers I met could show me the right direction to go, and they gave up on me finally – because I did not want to become steel!  I did not care what they thought or did, but I also gave up myself and my life finally.

The first time been to India to face Swamiji, I was still in full devil mind – I came for challenging HIM! Let see what HE could do!  In the beginning, Swamiji never glanced on me… I was wonder why as HE let me been there.  The first darshan of Inner Awakening, I was extremely fear in HIM and even could not walk to the stage.  My breath was taken away when I sat by HIM – never had the HUGE fear!  When Swamiji gave a hand out for darshan, I escaped spontaneously.  HE did not touch me finally and I was rushed to leave the situation, back to the seat and I started to ask myself: Why fear?

At that moment, I had an idea: a devil feels fear when it meets the REAL GOD!

I decided to prove the idea, so I prayed in my heart authentically – if there was God in this world where the space setting by HIM – please took away my fear – took away the tumor which avoid me listening to the truth!

It was a harsh experience.  The evening of the following day, we had meditation before darshan.  When the whole body settled down, it became hot and sweaty, and a sense of energy entered my body and tore something out from Mooladhara Chakra!  It was so painful but after that, I could go for darshan smoothly without any fear!

Then, I understood this teacher would not give me something, but take away what unnecessary from me!  The rest was the REAL me – a piece of clean blank paper, then do not need to write on it, but project all images on this screen as my wishes and creativity.

Till now, I still not a good student at all.  I am still learning with my crying noisily but at learn the blank paper here become more clean and the images showing on it more clear…

When I started to realize who I am, Swamiji started watching me, smiling to me, talking to me and answering my question – HE said, HE is a mirror only.